Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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