She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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