fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
