she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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