If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
