Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
