I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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