he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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