3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
