Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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