Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
