Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize