I love black thongs
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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