If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
