i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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