You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
