did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
