i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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