i was rollin on her like bob the builder
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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