i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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