it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
