ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize