my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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