i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
