he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
