Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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