It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
