Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize