it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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