I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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