I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
