he puts the penis in happiness.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
