My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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