it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
