Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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