we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
