Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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