He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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