Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
