well I can't set my house on fire every night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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