I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
