so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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