For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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