I don't think brook has ever known best
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
