I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
