Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
