i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
