i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
