Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
