If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
