Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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