guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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