i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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