Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies

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(630): View more from Illinois

he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here

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(757): View more from Virginia

It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage

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(713): View more from Texas

Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight

(202): View more from Washington, DC

We're like Lewis and Clark

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(740): View more from Ohio

as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?

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(702): View more from Nevada

“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears

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