I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We just shotgunned beers for America
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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