dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
