I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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