I am midnight drunk by noon
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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