She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize