The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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