sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
