How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
