i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
two words: eviction party
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
