well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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