Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
