i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
