It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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