when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
