We're facebook friends in real life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
