I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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